A Poem from a non-Poet: In Memory of Ben my Hero my Friend

I'm not a poet AT ALL. But these words have come to me to describe this day, the one year anniversary of an incredible animal who loved me so much he gave his life for me. This describes not only the day of his death but today, the one year anniversary of his death. Which I've dreaded for over a week.

The sun glistens in the early 
morning light

it is a quiet reminder of the 
awful pain of that 
particular night.

That night happened 
one year ago today

when my faithful companion 
gave his life away.

We sat in the cold and 
darkness of the night

waiting for him to find his way
 from the darkness to the "light"

I begged over and over 
"please just take your nap.

I don't want to decide whether
I can save you or 
continue to make you fight."

Once that last vehicle came to check on us,

We shared his last breath together
and he passed without a fuss.

I screamed up to the heavens "why why why?"

It was me who should have gone 
not my big beautiful guy. 

He rests comfortably on our land 
nestled safe and secure.

I know he is with us, 
I know absolutely for sure.

Today, I dreaded as the anticipation grew
I did not want to relive those memories
That is one thing I definitely knew.

Memories of a boy who loved me 
so unconditionally.

He saved me without a thought,

so unthinkingly.

I screamed again at the sky

"why would you save me 
only to let him die?"

I was ready he was not

he had many lessons 
needing to be taught

My Joe, created a cross
to nail into the ground 

as a simply stated reminder 
of our horrible loss.
He made this cross from 
the wood from our barn
which shelters our boys 
from any weather or harm.

Monte peacefully accepted the halter 
which I placed upon his head
and out of the pasture
Ben's comrade in life was quietly led.

I took him to the site, 
we held so much secure

only to find flowers which had grown
and for which we'd never heard.

Monte sniffed the ground, 

certainly knowing the reason

for why we stood here 
on this day of a very cold season.
 
There is frost in the air.

It is cold, it is wet. 
Because the ground is not frozen,
not now, not yet,

Joe pounded the cross 

which he made from Ben's shed

as I hugged Monte tightly 
and cried into his chest.

We love that boy, The boy we called Ben

He was and remains our forever friend.

Many tears are cried this day

as the hours grow near. 

The hours in which my boy 
took his life without fear.

I cry as I write this poem,

as I have had to place a cross 
on a place now called Ben's home.
Ben, My boy, was such a huge loss. 

I cannot compare 
to the parents who have lost 

their children in war or 
at some other horrible cost.

I can only compare to those 
who can understand

the unconditional love you will 

find with a pet
who's loyalty is so grand. 

Monte understood the significance

of the events at hand.

There he stood unflinching 
as the cross was pounded in.

I brought Monte back to the pasture.

He stood there looking out at the site, 

while Ty, my new friesian 
met me with delight.

There, Ty stood staring into my eyes
He seemed to understand the reason
for the many many cries.
The many cries he heard earlier that day 

between me and my beautiful 
thoroughbred bay.

I felt my tears run down his velvet nose 

as he reached down to kiss my face.
I realized how lucky I am 
to be blessed with such
beauty and such grace.

Lots of tears are cried today

Because I don't quite understand 
why my boy was taken away
while here I am left to stand.©